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How to de-escalate inter-personal conflict and focus on the problem
This mission of this monthly newsletter is to capture and distribute what we at The People Engagement Experts have picked up that passes as wisdom in a form that is directly practical and useful. What trainers like me might call 'takeaways'. Things like infographics, checklists, and templates. Books, presentations and training courses are great (as an author, speaker & trainer, I would say that) but most days they're a bit much and people have work to do. This newsletter features one short-form tool each month. This month, it’s ‘Triangulation’ – a specific conflict de-escalation technique to mitigate some of the primal personality stuff and help you control people’s focus onto the problem and away from each other.
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Conflict is an inevitable part of life and can occur in various forms - whether it be between individuals, within teams, or between organisations. It is defined as a situation where two or more parties have differing needs, wants, or beliefs that are causing tension and disagreement.
The importance of resolving conflict cannot be overstated. When conflicts are left unresolved, they can lead to negative emotions such as frustration, anger, and resentment. This can negatively impact relationships and lead to decreased productivity and morale in the workplace.
This month, I want to provide one tool on how to de-escalate conflict and focus on resolving the underlying problem. You'll then have a better understanding of conflict and the tools and techniques needed to effectively manage and resolve it.
Conflict can arise from a variety of causes, including misunderstandings, competition for limited resources, and differences in opinions or values. It is important to understand the underlying causes of conflict in order to effectively resolve it.
Escalating conflict is characterised by increasing levels of tension, aggression, and hostility. Some signs of escalating conflict include raised voices, personal attacks, and avoidance of communication.
Early intervention is crucial in resolving conflict before it becomes more difficult to manage. By identifying the signs of escalating conflict and taking steps to address the situation early on, individuals can prevent the situation from escalating further and increase the chances of resolving the conflict in a positive and productive manner.
Here's a quick n simple technique called Triangulation based on principles of detachment. It might seem obvious but it's simple and easy, yet remarkably effective. Takes out some of the caveman-level inter-personal conflict escalators:
De-Escalation Techniques
When conflict is escalating, it is important to first focus on de-escalating the situation before addressing the root cause. Here are several techniques that can help:
1. Active Listening: Encourage both parties to speak and actively listen to each other's concerns and perspectives. By acknowledging the other person's feelings, you can help to defuse the situation and create a calmer environment for resolution.
2. Empathy and Understanding: Show empathy and understanding for the other person's feelings and needs. Try to see the situation from their perspective and validate their experiences.
3. Re-framing the Situation: Reframe the situation as a problem that needs to be solved together, rather than a personal attack on either party. This shift in perspective can help to reduce tension and increase cooperation.
4. Taking a Break: Sometimes it can be helpful to step away from the situation and take a break. This allows individuals to cool down, regroup, and come back to the situation with a fresh perspective.
By using these techniques, individuals can effectively de-escalate conflict and create a more positive and productive environment for resolution.
Problem-Focused Resolution
Once the situation has been de-escalated, it is time to focus on resolving the root cause of the conflict. Here are the steps for problem-focused resolution:
1. Identifying the Root Cause: Work together to identify the underlying cause of the conflict. This could be a miscommunication, a competition for limited resources, or a difference in opinions or values.
2. Brainstorming Solutions: Brainstorm possible solutions to the conflict. Encourage open and creative thinking, and avoid personal attacks or criticism.
3. Selecting the Best Solution: Evaluate each solution and select the one that best addresses the root cause of the conflict. Consider factors such as feasibility, impact, and fairness.
4. Implementing and Following Up: Implement the selected solution and follow up to ensure that it is effective. It is also important to assess the outcome and make any necessary adjustments.
By following these steps, you can effectively resolve the root cause of conflict and prevent it from reoccurring in the future. The key is to approach the situation with a problem-solving mindset, focus on finding common ground, and maintain open and effective communication throughout the process.
Conflict resolution is an important skill for individuals and organisations alike. By de-escalating conflict and focusing on resolving the underlying problem, individuals can prevent negative consequences and maintain positive relationships.
The key points I’ve covered include understanding conflict, utilising de-escalation techniques, and utilising a problem-focused approach to resolution. It is also important to emphasise the importance of ongoing communication in preventing conflict and maintaining positive relationships.
Practicing conflict resolution skills takes time and effort, but the benefits are well worth it. Encourage readers to put into practice the techniques and strategies discussed in this article, and to continue to develop their conflict resolution skills over time.
Conflict resolution is a critical part of successful relationships and organisations. By understanding conflict, de-escalating tense situations, and utilising a problem-focused approach to resolution, individuals can effectively manage and resolve conflicts and maintain positive relationships.
Have a crack. Let me know how you get on, and any thoughts on the concept or practice.
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